On TV - Patrick Duffy for a Leg

It's time for an unsolicited and half-assed On TV FAQ.

Q. Why have a journal about television? Are you into mixing media as a form of post-modern irony? Is it a commentary on the increasing conglomeration of media outlets and the inherent blurring of content and form? Are you simply aware of the fact that everyone watches TV and will probably know what you're talking about even though they may have never met you or even been within the same hemisphere?

A. The third thing.

Q. Why not start a journal about books? People read books.

A. No they don't. In fact, I can't read at all. All of my entr�es are done throw voice wreck ignition saw fare.

Q. How much TV do you watch?

A. I try to get in 9 to 12 hours a day -- basically any time I'm not at work or school or passed out from all of the drinking.

Q. How often do you update On TV?

A. My original intent was to update every day that I watch television, which meant every day. I thought that would be poignant somehow. But that became problematic when I realized that I don't want to think that much, particularly when watching television. Plus I would end up clogging this thing with fits about CSI, Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, and CNN.

Q. You already talk about CNN a lot. Why is that?

A. Because it's supposed to be the pinnacle of contemporary journalistic excellence, but instead sucks.

Q. What's your favourite TV show?

A. I think what you're really asking is "What current TV show sucks monumental clown ass, yet is heralded by fans and critics as the greatest show ever despite the fact that it features ridiculous dialogue, pointless camera effects that were originally designed to make cats interested in cat food commercials, story progression bordering on infant-retardation in its idiocy, David Caruso, implausible technology that is causing forensic science classes around the world to be populated by deeply disappointed idiots, and had its season finale directed by Quentin 'I never really accepted being white, but now I actually believe that I'm black' Tarantino?"

I think we all know the answer to that.

Q. Why have you decided to do a FAQ at this point in time? You don't have many questions to answer.

A. TV dictates that the hundredth of something be noted. So here we are. It's poignant. But really, I just can't think of anything else. This is like a clip show.