�I Have Eaten at the Livingroom Coffee Table My Entire Life

In my day, we didn't have TiVo. Which means that, in my day, we couldn't fast forward through commercials. We just sat there and took it like a bitch. And it was good for us. That was how we became immune to such things. We learned to tune things out. We came to realize that, just because it's on television and we're being told to buy it or do it, that doesn't mean that we have to buy it or do it and invariably sue someone afterwards. If people spend their entire lives only watching what they want to see, they are leaving themselves wide open for all sorts of mayhem and generally bad decisions.

Commercials challenged us to reach our full mental and physical potentials. We learned about speed and distance and our own strengths and weaknesses. Could we make it all the way to the kitchen, fix a snack, and return to the television before the end of the commercial? Should we get up to pee and risk losing our spot to our asshole friend or sibling, or should we just face the pain and hold it in a little longer? That was how we learned about ourselves and our environment and the people around us. It built character.

What have kids got these days? Are they really going to get any of that from TiVo or family dinners or Jesus? Of course not.

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