For years now, I have made it a point to watch all live coverage of the Pope simply so that I can say I was watching when Pope Jean Paul II keeled over and died on live television. After following his illness over the last few weeks and seeing footage of him wave from his window and board his Popemobile, I have concluded that he died at least two years ago and has been replaced by an animatronic puppet. I have watched all of the bonus footage included in the extended editions of all three movies in the Lord of the Rings trilogy and am pretty sure that the Vatican brought in the people who made that big talking tree.

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