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�It Was Educational, Suckers


In the sixth grade, my teacher tried to teach my class about "sexual relations" and "the differences between boys and girls." I don't really remember how productive the class was -- whether there were spurts of laughter or religious objections or various other acts that brought the entire endeavour to a halt. All I remember is thinking what a waste of time the whole thing was. By the sixth grade, everyone my age knew all about "sexual relations" and "the differences between boys and girls." We knew these things because -- while we were grounded for having stayed out past our curfew or for punching our brother in the head -- we sat at home and watched The Learning Channel and, before that, we watched Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom.

That was all you needed.


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